Girls equal EVIL!
by Ulqui4
Summary: This is just an AU very soft GrimmIchi. A little funny easy-reader. Kick back relax and enjoy Ishida's little deal with Grimmjow.


**Hiya! This is just a little AU oneshot easy-read that I made. Not Beta'd Kind of a funny one side GrimmIchi, because I am suffering writer's block on my other stories. **

**Characters: **_Grimmjow, Ichigo, Ishida Mainly GrimmIchi No IshiIchi or GrimmIshi._

"Psst…" Grimmjow was rapidly tapping Ishida's shoulder, "Hey!"

The lesson was almost over and the teacher shut her book, "Ok, class, you know what your homework is, now, go home, remember we have finals in three weeks!"

She threw her book into her bag, slung her bag over her shoulder and walked out without another glance of her students.

As soon as she left, Ishida got up and turned his attention to Grimmjow, "GRIMMJOW, stop stabbing me when the teacher is teaching!"

"Jeez, it's not like it's actually important," Grimmjow shot back, arrogance oozing from every corner of his words, "But that's not the point."

Grimmjow also got up and started putting his books away. Ishida bent down to get more books and stood up again because there was a very impatient expression on Grimmjow's face.

"Ok, what do you need?" Ishida asked.

"Wait, one second," Grimmjow pointed to Ichigo and then motioned for Ishida to shut up.

"Hey, Grimm! You coming?" Ichigo called from the doorway, waving his hand.

_So cute… _ "Grimmjow, Grimmjow!" Ishida got Grimmjow's attention by snapping his fingers, because at the moment Grimmjow was floating and daydreaming.

"Yeah, yeah," Grimmjow turned to face Ichigo who was standing about 12 feet away, "No, Ichi, not today, you guys go ahead." Grimmjow rubbed the back of his head to show that he wanted to come but he couldn't, and flashed an innocent smirk on his face.

As soon as Ichigo's footsteps and the others' footsteps vanished down the hallway, Grimmjow tried to express his situation to Ishida once more, "Look, Uryuu, I really need your help!"

Ishida simply nodded his head but refused to say anything, as to tell Grimmjow to continue.

"Ishida, I-I," Grimmjow started and he stuttered.

"Why are you so desperate?" Ishida asked. This was unusual behavior even for Grimmjow, he's not the type to become desperate in any circumstance, go throw him in a sleeping bear's cave and he will not beg you to take him out. But then again, if you throw him in a swimming pool… he will probably be at the end of his tether.

"Because, I like Ichigo!" He blurted out and checked around to make sure nobody heard.

"Yeah, he's your friend."

"NO, YOU FREAKING NITWIT, I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMART!" Grimmjow was getting really angry and started screaming.

"Ok, ok, calm down, tiger," Ishida put his hands on Grimmjow's shoulders to calm him down.

"I like him as in… as in—"

"As in?"

"L-l-love…"

Grimmjow went red to his ears and couldn't find the courage to say anything more.

"Ok… then…" Ishida said unsurely, "I'll help you, just stop worrying."

Ishida sat down and put one of his legs over the other is a fancy smancy manner. He told Grimmjow to sit.

Sighing heavily, Grimmjow began:

"Ishida, you know how… you like Orihime?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer the damn question."

"Yes…"

"You know how Ichigo likes Orihime?"

"This is getting really irrelevant, Grimmjow."

"No, now answer."

"Yes."

"So I need you to help me get Ichigo."

"How?"

"Convince him… convince him that girls are no good. I don't know how, that's up to you."

"What's in it for me?"

"Orihime."

"Deal. Why do you wanna get with him so badly, I mean aren't you two like the best of friends?"

"Yeah, but it's not the same, if I spent the night at his house, he ends up calling his friends over like Shinji and Renji and Hisagi. So we're never alone. Even if we are, he never lets me lay a hand on him, or he makes it all awkward, and the only reason is Orihime, because all of you are drooling over her huge bust… and I mean… It feels alone," Grimmjow tried to explain to the best of his ability.

"You are… jealous… of Orihime," Ishida raised an eye brow.

"No." Grimmjow lied through his teeth.

"Ok, I'll help you; I think I have something in mind, just tomorrow go sit in the bathroom the entire lunch hour."

"Why the hell would I do that?!"

"Fine, go sit in the nurse's office."

"Remember to emphasize your point, say a few bad things about Orihime, not too extreme."

"I know, I know."

*THE NEXT DAY*

The teacher shut her book with a loud thud and gazed out the window, "It's raining…" she muttered. She checked the clock and it was almost time for lunch, scanning her students, there a few that catch her eyes: Grimmjow, Renji, and Ichigo. The teacher palmed her face and announced to the class to go to lunch.

"Hey, come sit here," Ichigo motioned for Grimmjow to go sit next to him. He was strongly urged to go and sit next to Ichigo, but he saw Ishida shaking his head.

"Sorry, Ichi, I have to um… run to the nurse's office," Grimmjow said shakily as he walked towards him. He tried to make his catwalk a little uneven to get his point across.

"Are you ok, what happened?" Ichigo asked. He was extremely worried about Grimmjow, and this thought brought a smile to his face but _but, it'll never be more than just… friends._

"I'm-uh—fine, I just… have a stomachache." Grimmjow told Ichigo. He started walking quickly, and broke out into a sprint in a few seconds. Ichigo leaned on his arms and stared at Grimmjow _I hope he's ok._

Ichigo eyed over, his glance captured Orihime, and she was talking to Tatsuki. Ichigo's expression quickly grimaced as he saw Ishida talking to Orihime. _Gaaah! Who needs her, I've got… _He put his head on his desk to stop the progression of any further thoughts.

Orihime and Tatsuki walked out the door leaving Ishida who quietly made his way over to Ichigo's desk. He pulled over a chair and casually sat down much to Ichigo's displeasure.

"Hey, Ichigo," Ishida put one of his hands gently on Ichigo's hand to try to get his attention. Yet, Ichigo closed his eyes to try to avoid Ishida's sight.

"Hey," Ishida flashed a light innocent smirk across his face and caused Ichigo to soften up.

"Eh, Ishida-kun," Ichigo replied.

"I wanted to tell you something—"

Ichigo interrupted Ishida midsentence, "If this is about Orihime …"

Ishida gave Ichigo's hand a little squeeze, "Can I… convince you that Orihime isn't good for you."

"Eh, I-!"

"Ichigo, just shut up and listen," Ishida said a little more crossly.

Ichigo nodded his head _the only reason I'm agreeing to this is because I was thinking of giving Orihime up anyways._

_Ok, how do I convince him that Orihime—No,not Orihime, no girl is good for him. _

"Ahh, Ichigo, have you ever considered… that girls are…" Ishida started arranging the words in his head.

"Girls are…?"

"Evil," Ishida said slowly, _Good Kami, this is cheesy_

"Evil, eh?" Ichigo said slowly.

"Ok, so you know how they say girls are time and money?"

"Yeah…?"

"So, let's put it in a small mathematical equation: Girls = money x time," Ishida said wagging his finger.

"…" Ichigo was speechless; this was out of character, even for Ishida.

"And, they say time is money, so girls are money x money, right?"

"Um, sure, Ishida, whatever you say."

"And money is the root of all evil so money x money = evil which also equal to girls, so girls are evil."

"Ishida, might I suggest something," Ichigo began, "You sound like an idiot, and I don't even know what you are trying to do, but I gave up on Orihime a long time ago."

Ishida gaped at him like a fish, he was furious, why the hell did he have to go through any of this crap if Ichigo didn't even like Orihime anymore, "Ah, right, right."

"But, there is someone I do like," Ichigo began, blushing a little. He wanted to say it, _Grimmjow, I love him. _But he just paused, and looked up at Ishida, "If… if you promise not to tell."

"I won't," Ishida leaned on his elbows, he was kind of interested to find out who interested Ichigo.

"Ok, here it goes… It's Grimmjow-san," Ichigo pointed to the doorway to show the path that Grimmjow had gone.

"Why didn't you say so…? I have an idea," Ishida told Ichigo, it felt really nice to have a win-win-situation. He looked over to the hallway and saw a well-built figure making his way down. Ishida looked at his watch _5 minutes left. _

Ishida leaned over, lips close to Ichigo's ear, "Go," he whispered.

"Huh?!" Ichigo was a little startled and extremely confuse, _go? Go where?_

"Go, run and give Grimmjow a hug and confess."

Ichigo just gawked, why would he give him a hug, Grimmjow would become uncomfortable and push him away even more.

"I promise, he'll accept," Ishida persisted.

"Really?" Ichigo was a little shocked.

"Yeah, I promise."

Just as Grimmjow was a few feet from the entrance, Ichigo ran frantically to his blue-haired-soon-to-be-lover. Without thinking, he frenziedly wrapped his muscular arms around Grimmjow's waist. Blushing heavily, Ichigo squeezed his eyelids together, he felt so satisfied. He tried to move his arms closer and he pressed his head against Grimmjow's chest.

"Grimmjow… I… I think—"Ichigo was choking on his words but pushed on, "I think I love you!"

Grimmjow stared, amazed at the change in 30 minutes. After stared wide-eyed for a while, he closed his eyes calmly and shared a smile on his face. He turned to Ishida who was looking as overly confident as ever and gave him a thumbs up. Then he coolly looked at Ichigo and bent down to try to match heights and he enveloped Ichigo in his own warmth, like Ichigo was a little, fluffy teddy bear.

_SCORE!_

**Thanks for reading! R and R is always desired, wanted, and cherished. Hope this fanfiction brought a smile on your face and helped you release the stress of the real world (^-^) Ok… maybe it didn't do that. **


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